Happy New Year And Merry Tenth Day of Christmas!

New Year's Resolutions... some people like them, some people don't.   I like the idea of a fresh new year.  I like a fresh start, this year especially.   2010 was a bad year.  It started out with mom in the hospital, then she died.  My husband's friend (best man at our wedding), who later married my cousin and became family, died.   My husband had some health issues, which are thankfully over now.   I broke my toes, which are now healed.   What am I thankful for from 2010?  THAT IT IS OVER!!!!   I have hope for a new year, a fresh start.
That said, my first resolution is a continuation of last year's resolution, which, when carried out, added up to one positive change a month, however small.  (Really, tea one month, wheat bread the next... not a whole lot to accomplish actually, but overwhelming if attempted all at once).   I know, I missed some  months, but I'm really happy with the changes I did make, and want to keep moving forward.
My second resolution is to organize one room in my home per month.    The idea of organizing my whole house seems overwhelming, but at one room a month, I should be organized before the year is over with part of the year to spare (maybe I should include the garage and cars, huh?)!    Even if I have last year's track record of achieving my tasks just over half the time,  that would mean half the house is organized, which is better than nothing.  (Did I mention it has been a tough year?  I may have gotten just a wee bit depressed and let things go.... Okay, I totally did...)
My last resolution, most tellingly, should have been my first, and I am already struggling with it.  It has to do with "first fruits".   Too often I start the day without prayer, and find myself squeezing God in somewhere at the end.  It's not like I'm that busy.  I just fail at putting him first.    I need to SCHEDULE prayer time, just as I schedule getting together with my friends.   Really, it's not like I pop in on them at 10:30 or 11:00 at night (ahem, 1:30 am) because I finally thought of them.   While God IS there for me at that time, and not exactly bothered by having to be up early and needing His beauty rest,  I can see that I have fit God into the borders of my life rather than the center.  The only way I can see in my head to remedy that is to give God some "Prime Time" if you know what I mean...  Time that I wouldn't infringe upon for just anything... (Because really, I'm sure that He'd be cool with "rescheduling" if need be, but if I wouldn't "reschedule" friend or family for whatever reason, it'd be a poor reason to reschedule prayer...)


Fellow blogger Sharkbait, did a post a couple of days ago where, though he himself does NOT like resolutions, he suggests choosing a word to focus on for the year.  I like that idea.  I choose the word hope, because I truly hope it will be a good year for us all.
href="http://sbreef.blogspot.com"><img alt="" width="180" src="http://i213.photobucket.com/albums/cc316/davidseven7/REEF.jpg" height="180"/>
(click the above link to see Sharkbait's post.)

An Update on My New Year's Resolution: An Interview With Helen by HRM

Okay. I had my people get in touch with my people, and I got back to myself immediately to set up an interview. I seem to be getting along with myself a lot better since my New Year's Resolution to treat myself as I would a friend, so this interview may be a little less amusing than usual.

HRM: Good morning. Interesting look with your hair...
Helen: My husband likes the messy look...
HRM: And is he home today?
Helen: Well, no....
HRM: Then you could've combed your hair.
Helen: (I wrinkle my nose at myself)
HRM: (Laughing) Just kidding. So how has your New Year's Resolution been going?
Helen: Well, the first one has been easy. Everyday I tweet something I am grateful for.
HRM: You mean like family, friends, home, food...
Helen: Well, I always thank God for those things. I am trying to look a little deeper. In the last few days I have been thankful for colors, electric lights, both indoor and outdoor, and rants.
HRM: You call that digging deeper than family and friends?
Helen: Well, I don't mean to suggest that I like pretty colors more than Bob, Mom, or friends! I just mean that thanking God for them has become routine, and I need to go beyond routine.
HRM: Okay. I get being grateful for electricity, and pretty colors...but rants?
Helen: Well, it started out as a joke. My friend Katdish posted a rant about people and their pets on her blog today, and I am always eager to read a good Katdish rant.
HRM: So...you are specifically grateful for Katdish's rant?
Helen: Well, yes, but for ranting in general.
HRM: I may be touching the wrong end of the elephant, because I just don't see what you mean!
Helen: C'mon HRM! You love to rant as much as anyone. Didn't you write that open letter to KFC, calling them a " den of chicken iniquity"?
HRM: It is true. I do love to rant myself. But I never thought of myself as grateful for rants.
Helen: But you are. Every time you rant, you say, "Boy, do I feel better! I'm glad I wrote that!"
HRM: Still, "being grateful" implies thanking God. Do you really think God wants to be thanked for rants?
Helen: Why not? He is our Father, isn't He? Of course, He lets us rant!
HRM: Huh?
Helen: When I was a little girl, and I'd be overwhelmed and overtired, I'd start to cry. Momma would then tell me to put on my PJs. I'd scream all the worse "I'M NOT TIRED! I DON'T NEED MY PAJAMAS!!!!!!WAHHHHHHHHHH" And daddy would step in and say "Of course you aren't tired. Just put on your pjs to get comfortable, and then sit on the sofa with me and watch t.v.." A few minutes after sitting on the sofa, I was fast asleep, and Daddy was carrying me to my own bed over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
HRM: And this relates to God how?
Helen: Sometimes we are ranting because we are overwhelmed and overtired, and just don't know how to rest. We think we don't need rest, just to "get it right". God says "Sit with me...". We find ourselves resting and at peace before we know it, and then God takes over to give us even more peace and rest.
HRM: Hmmm...
Helen: Sometimes I just need to rant myself into exhaustion before I can accept peace and rest.
HRM: And Katdish's rant...
Helen: wasn't really so much about overwhelmed exhaustion. It was funny. You know I enjoy humor. I'd say "Who doesn't", but I've met a security guard or two who...
HRM: Oooo...This sounds like another story!
Helen: You are right. It is another story. One which has nothing to do with ranting.
HRM: So maybe we should save it for another time.
Helen: Okay. You're the boss....On this blog anyways....

Yes, I Made a Couple of New Year Resolutions...

I have two New Year's Resolutions. The first is to daily find something new to be grateful for. I am always thanking God for Bob, and Mom, and friends, etc... But I have yet to thank him for clean drinking water or flushable toilets. No, I am not trying to be silly. There are plenty of people in the world who have neither. Being grateful that disgusting things are rushed as far away from me a possible should be a given. I am sure that my first antecedent to experience such was as gleeful and appreciative of it as I am for my dishwasher, but because I seldom experience port o potties, and have never had to walk to the river or a well for water, I take these things for granted. Each day in 2010 I want to be thankful for something new that I have taken for granted.
I know. I am four days behind. Okay then.
1) Clean drinking water straight from a faucet.
2) Flushable toilets.
3) Shelves and shelves of books in my home.
4) I can read. How many people in the world do not have an education because they were born poor or female? Yes, the ability to read is a blessing I need to be grateful for.
I'll try to remember to tweet something new each day and share the small things I am grateful for.

My second New Year's Resolution is to treat myself as a friend, and be a caretaker to myself. I know. Selfish. But I think I need to be... I mentioned last week or so that my mom is in the hospital. I haven't updated this blog on her progress. She has a terrible, horrible, wound. In my worst nightmare, I would not have believed such a wound is possible. For some reason, despite friends and family insisting on my innocence, I believed this wound was somehow my fault. And I despised myself. I really hated myself, to the point where I couldn't sleep. Phone calls with friends and family made me feel better, until I had to be alone with my own thoughts, which added up to "I hate me." Anytime my mom's bandage was being changed, I watched, just to punish myself. Thank God for mom's wound nurse. I don't remember what I said, but she picked up on me blaming myself, and asked me why. I told her a reason, she'd say "Impossible, next..." and let me tell her everything I thought I could have done to that caused it or failed to do to prevent it. She listened, and said "Impossible..... This is not your fault. Nothing you did caused this, nothing you could have done would have prevented this." I was absolved! I could stop hating myself. But then I had to ask myself....

If a friend of mine had come to me with the same thing, what would I have said? Even if in my uneducated ignorance I agreed that it was her fault, would I have thought that she is deserving of hatred and punishment? No, I would have held her and told her that since we got kicked out of Eden, sickness, death, and blame are our lot, and that everyone makes costly errors. I would have encouraged her to forgive herself, and reminded her of her worth. Why couldn't I do that for myself? Family, corporal friends, cyber friends, all tried to give me comfort, which I would accept for a time, but then when alone, convince myself I was unworthy. Why couldn't I be a friend to myself?

Thinking about that, I see a pattern in my life. Strict impossible diets I punished myself with to try to make up for lost time, which only made me fail again... Exercise regimes I'd punish myself with to make up for lost time, only to hurt myself and be laid up and not pick up again until I want to punish myself again. If I had power over anyone else, would I treat them like that? NO! So why do I think it is okay for me to treat myself like that. Humility? Actually, isn't the assumption that I somehow think I am better so I should have done better, and therefore hubris?

I resolve to ask myself when I hear the negative self talk in my brain "Would you talk to a friend like that?" and if the answer is no, remind myself that it is not okay to talk to myself like that then.

Part of this resolution is also to be my own caretaker. I have been my mom's caretaker for three years. I encourage her to do her exercises, and when she doesn't want to, I talk her into doing a portion, then ask her if she feels up to going on. I give her food she is supposed to have, with a treat every so often to make things interesting. When she wants something she isn't supposed to have, I don't refuse to give it to her, but remind her why she shouldn't, then leave it up to her. She usually compromises. I make sure she has at least eight glasses of water each day. Why can't I do these things for me? Why can't I exercise just until I am tired, and then stop, pushing myself a little at a time instead of punishing myself? Why can't I follow a diet that includes an occasional treat, and compromise with myself when I want more than is good for me?

The thing is, I CAN do these things, but I haven't. I am going to treat myself like someone I love this January! Why not the whole year, you ask? Because I need to evaluate whether I am improving my mental and physical health, or becoming a narcissist. I have noticed that I tend to fall to extremes in the way I treat myself... either punish, or indulge, then punish some more. This might mean more posts where I talk to myself. I hope I'll still be amusing... I wouldn't want to bore any of us...

So... my role model on this journey of self love shall be...KERMIT THE FROG! C'mon, if you know me at all, you knew it had to be a Muppet. Up until now, I've been relying on Fozzie Bear...

My New Year's Resolutions

Today we Catholics celebrate the solemnity of Mary. So we go to Mass either on December 31st evening in anticipation of the day, or on January 1st itself. That is why I was at Mass yesterday, and at Mass, my pastor's homily encouraged us to make three types of New Years resolutions. My pastor is a wise man, so I am going to follow his suggestions.

Suggestion #1 Read the Bible for at least 15 minutes every day. Definitely a good resolution. I do include reading the Bible during my prayers, but expanding that time is a good idea. He made no suggestion as to whether that should have me reading the whole Bible within a year, or only get me to Exodus. The point is making the time to read and absorb, not how much I read. I resolve to read the Bible these 15 minutes.

Suggestion #2 Do something to better my own health. I was actually thinking along these lines myself. I resolve to dance (for exercise) every day. That should improve both my mental and physical health. This was going to be my only resolution, but Father Ted has shown me that this would be too self absorbed. I need to include God (#1) and others (3#) in my resolutions. My life should not just be all about me.

Suggestion #3 Do something charitable for others. My friends know that I am often writing about how 30% (and climbing) more people in my county are requesting help from food banks than were last year. Due to the poor economy, donations are going down. I have tried to be diligent about donating food and money during the holidays. I resolve to give food and/or money monthly for my parish's food drive. Just because "the holidays" end, their nutrition needs don't.