Expect the Unexpected: or at Least Plan for It

We did not stay at a Renaissance Savery Hotel. We were not even in Des Moines. I only include the above pic to show you how useful the information on the back of a hotel door is in an emergency.

When you stay at a hotel, do you read the information taped on the back of the door that tells you what to do in case of a fire? I used to, but haven't in a long time. Early Sunday morning, I was able to recall most, but not all of what I read. The gist of what is on the back of the door is:

1) Advice telling you to feel the door with the back of your hand if the fire alarm is going off. I remembered to feel the door, but forgot what to do it if was warm. Praise the Lord, the door was not warm, so it was a moot point. Had it been warm though, the directions are to NOT open the door, as that means the fire is out in the hall, and to soak towels in water and barricade these wet towels at the door, and to have one handy to cover your face if smoke gets in. There is more on this on the door, but you can read it if you are staying in a hotel for vacation. Seriously, don't assume you remember because you read it once on your honeymoon in Hawaii fourteen years ago, and maybe again at a Charismatic Conference seven years ago. Reread it each time you stay in a hotel. I am glad I didn't need the information that I didn't remember.

2) Your best escape route during a fire is suggested. If not, go out in the hall and plan it yourself. Hopefully it is a waste of five seconds of your life, but it just may be an important five seconds!

3) Do not use the elevator during a fire.

Things that are not on the door, but useful to think about are to have your shoes and eye glasses handy, and a small bag with your "can't live without" electronic devices and the room keys inside of it. If you REALLY do plan ahead, it couldn't hurt to have a flashlight in the bag.

I am contributing this public service announcement to the "What I Learned This Week" blog carnival. The "What I Learned This Week" blog carnival has been moved to

Remember, no conclusion to yesterday's post until Wendy has four contributors to her Life is Funny blog carnival! I am holding the story hostage! Don't you want to find out whether I made it out alive?

Last week my cousin sent me an email about the things Vodka can do (besides pickle a liver). I thought I'd share it on today's What I Learned post.

Who Knew???

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers,fill a trigger-spray
bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean .
The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses,simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. �
The alcohol in the �vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade
soak in the alcohol after shaving.
The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on wine stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face
as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo.
The alcohol cleanses the scalp,removes toxins from hair,and stimulates the growth
of healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

9 Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag
and freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers,
fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days.
Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.

11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

13 Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.

15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth.
Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.


Wow. It seems that vodka is very potent. I'm glad I stick to honeyed scotch.

What I Learned / Atkins Update/ Swollen Feet

Well, I suppose it is time for another installment of What I Learned This Week. I'll try, but I have to warn you, I am still processing.

My close cyberfriends know that I have been doing Atkins since Ash Wednesday. You also know that it hasn't been working...sort of...My clothes are looser....as a matter of fact, some blouses that didn't fit I forgot to give away last year were discovered and they now fit. But, the scale says I gained ten pounds. It is not the old muscle argument...I have not been doing muscular type exercises. I was learning some line dances, but most of my "exercising" has just been being more diligent about household tasks...and not as diligent as I ought at that....
So anyways, two weeks ago, I went to a naprapath / hypnotist.... (My primary care doctor wants to give me pills or send me for surgery....I just can't....) After looking at my food diary, he suggested that processed foods (especially lunch meet) and diet soda pop could be the culprits. He advised me to drink only water for a while (not difficult, since my UTI required no caffeine around the same time), and to completely cut lunch meat out of my diet. While this advice doesn't seem like fun, it also doesn't sound like it could hurt me, so I figured I'd try it.
So, for two weeks I didn't have any lunch meat, and I only drank water. I don't know how that worked on the scale, but my ankles were great....no swelling whatsoever....But then, on Friday, my Day of Hecticness that I was telling you about last week, I decided lunch meat was easier than actual cooking...And on Saturday I lived it up with the diet pop...(okay, I also had fun with friends, which I'll tell you about when I figure out what file Bob hid the pictures under...) Could diet pop and lunch meat cause my feet to swell up like balloons? Did I learn that lunch meat and diet pop will make my feet swell? I certainly can't blame being out on Saturday....I am on my feet doing stuff at home.....




Oh, and just in case this isn't good enough for a What I Learned post, a friend told me that if you have a stain on a tablecloth or blanket that didn't come out in the wash, to spray lemon juice on it, wash it, and dry it outside so the sun bleaches out the stain with the lemon juice. I never actually tried it, but I will....

Yes Virginia, It is Possible to Have a Positive Commentary of the Editorial Page

This week I learned how much I like reading a positive, noncontroversial commentary in the newspaper. There are so few of those. Yesterday, the Chicago Suntimes published a commentary In Web age, libraries as important as ever. I haven't enjoyed reading the Letters to the Editor / Commentary page so much in ages. I am worn out from negativity in the news. But this article in praise of libraries gave me a warm happy feeling.
I shared that warm happy feeling by writing a letter to the editor praising the piece, and my local library (mainly my local library). I have been thinking about writing a blog post in praise of libraries for some time, but thought it might be too Geeky. Today is the day I wrote the letter / post.
Tomorrow I will share the letter. Today I just wanted to share how good it felt to dwell on something positive. I guess I learned I should do that more often.....

Dancing Queen, Young and Sweet, Almost Forty

Don't you guys ever find yourselves having to change the words of a song you are singing to make it more appropriate to your situation? Obviously from the title, you can tell I do...




Anyways, it seems that it is time for:



Okay, last week I did not do a "What I Learned" post. Why is that? Because I learned that Comcast OnDemand has a Wedding Dance section where I can learn the Achy Breaky Heart dance. As excited as I was by this, I was a little embarassed that the only thing I remember learning that week I learned because I was so bored (a crime punishable by dusting in my family) for even longer than it takes to flip through the cable channels, and started flipping through not only the OnDemand movies, but the other stuff that seems less inviting. However, I must share that with you now so that I can tell you that I learned....
The Achy Breaky Heart line dance. I know. All my talk about Salsa dancing in the supermarket, you probably think that I'm a plus sized Ginger Rogers. Nope. Not even Roy Rogers. Or Mr. Rogers. I'm happy if I can dance better than Roget's Thesaurus... I love the movement of dance, but have little grace, and two left feet (figuratively, not literally). Even my supermarket salsa dancing leaves much to be desired. I can tell from the way strangers stare when I dance in the supermarket that they are wondering why I don't take lessons.....Unfortunately, I did, and that's as good as I get. So learning The Achy Breaky Heart line dance has me super excited. I have also been practicing my Electric Slide, though Comcast calls it Electric Boogie, but youtube has something else for Electric Boogie......
I can do the Achy Breaky Heart dance almost as well as this guy!

Almost.

I also learned that I drink more water during the day if I keep a bottle filled near me. I will then absent mindedly sip away up to 12 glasses during the day, where as before I wasn't getting half that. I know. The Achy Breaky Heart dance is sexier than water, isn't it?

Better Habits And Bob is Awesome

Things I learned this week....

1) Good habits can still be learned past the age of thirty-five...
Okay, I am not proud of this, but I have always hated washing dishes, and let them accumulate too much in the sink. Then, about three years ago, we bought a house with a dishwasher. Cool. But I didn't know how to load it, and didn't use it because I didn't want to break my dishes. My friend showed me how to use it a year later, and since then, I always keep a clear sink. Dirty dishes get rinsed, and immediately hid in the dishwasher where no one can see them until the dishwasher is full. Then, of course, I put in the soap, and start the load. So essentially, the dishwasher has become a magic hiding place to me that will do the dishes for me after I have hid them.
So where is the good habit? Well, the dishwasher broke this weekend, and I found that I could not leave a dirty dish in the sink in the meantime while waiting for my dishwasher repairman (Bob) to fix it. I kept up with those dishes that I even did a load by hand after Bob fixed it because I didn't realize he fixed it before I finished clearing the table.


If I had been blogging three years ago, I would have known about youtube, and then I could have gotten instructions on dishwasher loading via video..


2) Bob is handier than I give him credit for. In the old house, I used to have the appliances insured by Sears so that i would not have to risk Bob fixing them. Now that I am not working, we can't afford such extravagance as overpriced insurance on an old washing machine....anyways, Bob has stepped up to the plate well. He will go to the hardware store with the part and ask what it is and what he ought to do. (I suppose I should also give him credit for asking for directions).

Keep Asking

Keep asking the question until you get the answer you want. NO, not on the same day. I mean spaced out....
Bob and I like to hang out at Barnes and Noble on our days out sometimes. We are there for an hour about once or twice a month. We go our separate ways to check out what we want (him History, me Bargains and later Mystery), and we meet back at the Barnes and Noble Cafe. I am usually done first, because I scoop up everything I think I want, and then sort what I don't at the cafe. Yes, I am one of those horrid people who will pick up seven books, look through them all, then select two and let the people who work their put them back. I consider it a service to them: helping them keep their job in todays economy. If you work for Barnes and Noble and are reading this, there is no need to thank me. We got to look out for one another. Just pay it forward is what I say...
Anyways, Barnes and Noble Cafe has signs up that if you sit there, you need to be a customer, otherwise find other seating around the store (which may be taken, and therefore more difficult to decide where to meet up). I don't blame them, though. The cafe is a business, and few businesses encourage loitering. Okay, coffee shops do encourage loitering, but want you to do it with a coffee and sweet roll bought from them. So, wanting the easy peasy seating, I always order a cup of coffee. But, knowing me, do you think I make it easy. But then, there is a different barrista each time I go, so neither do they!

Barrista: Hello, can I help you? (It should be "May I help you?", but I stopped being the grammar police when I stopped teaching and started a blog. Making my own errors here is a bit humbling out there, you know?)
HRM: I'm looking......What do you have that's sweet and sugarfree? (I'm still working with the Atkins. I'm not perfect. I had a cookie yesterday. Two cookies. Okay, three cookies and that's my final offer..Wait, what was I saying?)
Barrista: You can add as much equal to your coffee as you like when I hand you your plain coffee.
HRM: No sugarfree flavors, huh? Okay then....I'll take a small plain coffee. (Then I don't add equal. Unless it's a flavored coffee, I like it with cream, and unsweetened. I know. Weird. Who would have thought I'd be weird about coffee? Only everyone....)

And that is the conversation I have been having with Barnes and Noble Cafe barristas at least once a month for almost a year (since Bob and I found someone to watch mom for a few hours once a week). That is until Saturday.

Barrista: Hello, what would you like? (Oooo, I different approach. I feel hopeful already.)
HRM: What do you have that's sweet and sugarfree?
Barrista: We have sugarfree carmel shot, and sugarfree vanilla shot.
HRM: Really? You have something sweet and sugarfree? Because you didn't always?
Barrista: I know, but we have been getting a lot of requests for sugarfree flavored coffee for a while now.
HRM: That's beautiful. (I sniffle). I'll take a large sugarfree carmel....


So that's what I learned this week. Keep asking. One day the answer might be different. In case you haven't thought of it yet, your children already know this. If I had been a smarter teacher, I could have learned it from them. But then, I was stubborn. Yes, I mean the double meaning: to stubborn to learn it then, and too stubborn to give them their way just because they were being annoying. Anyways, if your grocery store, coffee shop, or whatever doesn't have what you want, keep asking anyways. (People who want sugarfree coolwhip, take note). The answer may change. Then again...




So this duck walks into a pet store and says to the clerk, "Got any duck food?"
"No", says the clerk, "we only sell dog food and cat food."
"OK", says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any duck food?"
The clerk once again replies, "No, like I told you, we only sell cat food and dog food."
"OK", says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any duck food?"
The clerk says "Hey look, I told you two times already that we only sell cat food and dog food!"
"OK", says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any duck food?"
This time the clerk yells "We don't sell any duck food and if you come in here one more time asking, I am going to nail your little webbed feet to the ground!"
"OK", says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any nails?"
"No", says the confused clerk.
The duck says, "Got any duck food?"

Please, Mr. Government Official, Permit Me to Pray With My Friends in My Own Home...

Gatherings such as this are illegal in San Diego without a permit.


A video of an interview with the couple on Fox News.

Please click here and read this article. Yeah, if you have a big family, do you need a permit to say grace before meals? This ordinance may make sense if we are talking about a gathering of more than a hundred, but a group bible study with about 1/3 the number of people that came to weekly card parties back in the day (and yes, they sang songs in Hungarian until two in the morning!)? This is outrageous! Does that hold true if I am having weekly teas and rallies for the newest progressive political candidate, or only if I want to lead the meeting with a prayer?






What does the article and my angry rant have to do with What I learned this week? Everything. I have learned that I do take my religious liberties for granted. My husband often asks me what I would do if the Church had to go underground due to persecution. I learned that I haven't been taking this question seriously, and it is time that I do.

Matthew 26: 40-41 "Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. 'Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?' he asked Peter. 'Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.'"

Time to watch and pray. Thank you to those of you who already are....

I Promise It Isn't Yoga...

Now, by this cartoon, I don't even mean literally dead, just dead tired....
What I learned this week....
Hmm.....well, yesterday's post tells you I learned I am still a bit more worried about email curses than a good Christian girl out to be, but how about something more positive.
Oooh, I got it! I think I may have mentioned that sometimes I get back pains. Sometimes they are really bad, other times they are mild, but for the last several months they have been constant. Well, this week I have been doing some stretching exercises before I get out of bed. The ones I do are the ones my mom does that her physical therapist gave her. You know what I learned? That crap actually works! I got out of bed pain free a couple of days this week, and with very mild pain a couple of days this week.
So my big revelation of the week is that stretching works. Some of you knew that already? Good for you. I guess I always assumed since it hurts to bend and turn and stuff when my back is bothering me (lately always. The new bed helped some, but not as much as it seemed to that first week...I hope that's not a pattern. On the bright side, if it is, I'll have a new What I Learned post or maybe Life is Funny Post.) it would hurt even more to exercise.




I also learned that blog carnivals are really nice when you don't have a topic in mind to write about.

My Momma is a Sweetheart

Wow. What did I learn this week? Well, on Saturday, I helped the ICF with their yearly Bingo for the Nursing Home residents near us. ICF collects jewelry, and stuffed animals, and other prizes (decks of cards, baseball caps, t-shirts, all sorts of stuff) to treat them with for prizes. At the end, anyone who didn't win still gets to go to the prize table to pick something from what is left, so no one goes to their room without a gift. Some of the folks were really very nice, others, well, let's just say I don't think my grandma ever heard those words. She was such a sweet woman. Like my momma. My momma couldn't cuss at someone no matter what. Now I could, and have, but I save it for really big things. No, not like dissing my salsa dancing in the supermarket. Even bigger than that. I don't even remember the last time I cussed, so I can't tell you why I did it, but I do know that I am no angel who never uttered anything worse than "GOLLY!". My mother, however, would remind me that if I am thinking of the Lord's name while saying "GOLLY", I am still taking the Lord's name in vain. My point? I learned to appreciate my dear sweet mamma more. Sure, it can be annoying when she reminds me to wear a coat (IN WINTER! IN CHICAGO! LIKE DUH!), or tells me that it is time for me to go to bed, but at least she is annoying in a loving way, and not a hateful way. I really need to appreciate that.
I learned that I really do have it good....
Does learning to appreciate mom count as something I learned this week when we all know darn well that I am going to need to relearn it again in the future? Let's just say it does....

Swine Flu, and Cell Phones, Too

What did I learn this week? Hmmmm.......
I have been watching the news and learned some things about the swine flu. I learned you prevent swine flu the same way you prevent other flu....wash hands, cover mouth when sneezing and coughing, avoid sick people, don't touch anything and then your face, avoid people who are sick (I hate that one piece of advice. If healthy people avoid sick people, who is going to take care of the sick person?), and keep hand sanitizer on hand. The news also said to let it dry on its own, and not wipe it off. The hand sanitizer. Geesh!
It is good to know that you prevent swine flu the same way as regular flu. My friend Candy tweeted that thousands of people have died from the regular flu this year, yet we don't get our shorts in a bunch over it the way we do swine flu. Look, I am not making fun of swine flu. I know people have died, and I am sorry. I am just saying that I learned that prevention is the same as for regular flu, and that is good news, because regular flu can be bad news, too. That's what I learned this week. Yep!
Oh, I also learned how to check to voicemail on my cell phone. That could be useful, too.

I Am Not Standoffish: I AM SHY!

Wow! What a revelation! Seriously. I better start at the beginning...
The director of the CCD program I volunteer for is having a family crisis: her husband ( a young man of 48) had a stroke a few weeks ago, and she is busy with him at the hospital ( which reminds me, will you all pray for Jeff?) so the deacon led prayer time with the CCD children in the gym. I can't say why, but he decide to lead off with a little blurb about each of us volunteers, and what he appreciates about us. Do you know how he started off about me? "When I first met her, I didn't think she'd work out because she seemed rather stand-offish, but she turns out to be a really nice person......" yada yada boom di yah.....
STANDOFFISH! Well, I went right up to him and said in front of everyone "STANDOFFISH! I'LL HAVE YOU ALL KNOW, I'M JUST SHY!" (In the faculty room later, not the gym at the time. See, I really am shy..) Would you believe everyone just burst out laughing, including the deacon?! Nobody will believe that I am shy! It's shocking really.....
Oh well, maybe not. Once I get to know people, I tend to get a little crazy. But it usually takes a while. At my last job it took about six years for me to reveal that I have a sense of humor. I was mostly concerned about my professional comportment, but also felt misunderstood sometimes when I would open up just a little, so I shut off. Except, of course, to people newer than myself. I did want to make people feel welcome. It was when a much younger teacher starter nine years after me that I really opened up, because I wanted to be friendly to her and help make her comfortable, and then I kind of opened up to others.
I guess what it comes down to is that I was so concerned about how people saw me, that I tried to be invisible. Deacon's comments though have opened my eyes to realizing that I was never invisible. People could see me. They just couldn't read me. So they filled in their own blanks.
I wonder how far this carries back..... I wonder how much I have misinterpretted my own childhood.....How much of my childhood social awkwardness stems not from "trying to hard" as I always believed, but from people wanting to put me in my place because I have seemed stuck up and stand offish? And why would I, when I am not? Because I have been too concerned about how people see me, instead of being concerned with serving and sharing with others. I have been selfish. I never really considered that...
Thanks Deacon. And yes, this is the Deacon we were all praying for in December. Who knew then that he would clean a window to help me see myself, huh?

Cinnamon and the (Imaginary) Ants

Yaayy for me! I learned something this week!! (Listening to applause...bowing......holding out both hands as I mouth "Thank you" repeatedly.......) I learned that if you spread cinnamon along the wall where ants are coming in, they won't return, because they don't like cinnamon. Who knew? Apparently, my husband's cousin, whose sister (also his cousin) saw imaginary ants at Easter. That's right. She is pointing at ants along the wall that don't exist, and her sweet sister spreads cinnamon along the wall. I later asked if the cinnamon trick is for real, or was she merely humoring her sister. She said her friend told her she did that when she and ants, and she figured that she could use it to accommodate her sister, and it wouldn't hurt the dog. For those of you who have young children, you might find this to be worth a try if you ever have an ant problem. Or a sister who sees imaginary ants. Or happen to like spreading seasoning and condiments along the wall (it makes as much sense as seeing imaginary ants, doesn't it?)

Freud Sings Songs for Jung Lovers

Okay, that title has nothing to do with this post. I just wanted to grab your attention.






Musings of a Housewife hosts a "What I learned this week" carnival. I know this because my friends Steph and Wendy seem to learn something every week. I ought to, too, but anyway, today's post isn't about ragging on myself, so I am just going to stop this train of thought and jump on another.....
Whew! Made it. I think. Hang on. I have to bring my other leg inside. Okay, I'm in. Let me catch my breath. Enjoy this picture while you wait.




Okay, what I learned this week is that I have stereotyped youth as frivolous. Yeah I know. I love Ryan, Mare, and Beth. But I think of them as the exception, not the rule. This week I realized "What rule?".
Ryan, at Krazy Delicious. is no more frivolous than any of us Smarty Pantsers. As a matter of fact, he has posted some pretty thought provoking and moving stuff.
Beth, at That's Not Me Anymore. is a mom of young children, who is a co worship leader with her husband at a Church they helped plant. She's a fun gal ( not to be confused with fungal, or fungi), but she is not frivolous. She is one together lady.
Mare, at It Might Be Hope. is a young woman who has dedicated near a year to teaching people in Nigeria about Aids prevention. Definitely a serious and mature undertaking.

No, their youth hasn't made them frivolous, but hopeful. Hopeful that they make a difference. And they do. Maybe some of their youth can help me become younger. In hope anyway.

For now, it does inspire me to try to become friends with some of my younger cousins, and not assume they would have no interest in old cousin Helen now that they have lost interest in Little Bunny Foo Foo. No, that video isn't us, but I used to do that with them. Then when they got older, and no longer fans of Bunny Foo Foo, I figured I must've lost appeal to them as well. But why? I mean, Ryan, Beth, and Mare like me. Why wouldn't my cousin's kids?
What do you think? Should I try to friend them on facebook, or would that be too weird?