Monday, March 7, 2011

Reasons Our Local Grocery Store Should Go Back to Playing the Radio Over the Intercom

Dear Grocery Store Management:

I am writing to inform you that I was in no way trying to seduce anyone with a tube of Pillsbury French Loaf and pound of butter yesterday.   I was just artistically interpreting one of the great mezzo-soprano arias of all time for supermarket participation.   I blame you for the disturbance.   Ever since you stopped playing music over your intercom system, I have been forced to sing and dance to the music in my mind while I shop.  Unfortunately for you and your customers, I ran in for a few things yesterday after I had just come back from seeing Carmen in 3D.  The Habanera IS such a catchy tune... la moooor......  LA moooooor....  la MOOOOR.... LA MOOOR!!!!!   I don't think I was so much frightening the children, as it was the mothers understood that Carmen was not an appropriate topic to explain to them when they went home.  To my credit, both the butcher, and the man in the check out line were highly entertained.  Also, I do not see why I was forced to buy the whole carton of eggs.  I only used one egg, and I did not even break it!
Please consider playing the radio over your intercom system again, so that I can go back to singing "Fernando"  to the cantaloupe, and we can all go back to normal.
Thank you,

P.S.  My husband has recycled the caps from Snapple bottles, and suggests that next time I can use them as castanets.   It really is in your best interest to comply.

I'm sure my regular readers are well aware that my rendition of the Habanera was probably about as sensual as this one with, Beaker, Animal, and Swedish Chef.


Cassandra Frear said...

Really funny and clever post.

I'm tweeting it!

Anonymous said...

My favorite grocery store plays music from satellite radio, from different decades, and when they are playing 80's music while I'm there I always compliment their taste in music. They probably think it's funny that a little old granny likes that classic rock, but they smile politely. Bless their hearts.

Wendy said...

Your guilt won't work on me! Besides, life hasn't been all that funny lately. Clearly you need to come visit me and help me get the funny back.

And if you want to up your game at the market and get them to see the error of their ways, I have a belly dance hip scarf you can borrow.

katdish said...

I certainly hope the grocery store reads this post. They don't know what they're missing.

Peter P said...

I want to shop in your grocery store!

Candy said...

Awesome, Helen. Grocery stores need to heed your words. All I ever hear in mine is "clean up in aisle 3, please." Gets old, since that's where I usually am.