Dear Grocery Store Management:
I am writing to inform you that I was in no way trying to seduce anyone with a tube of Pillsbury French Loaf and pound of butter yesterday. I was just artistically interpreting one of the great mezzo-soprano arias of all time for supermarket participation. I blame you for the disturbance. Ever since you stopped playing music over your intercom system, I have been forced to sing and dance to the music in my mind while I shop. Unfortunately for you and your customers, I ran in for a few things yesterday after I had just come back from seeing Carmen in 3D. The Habanera IS such a catchy tune... la moooor...... LA moooooor.... la MOOOOR.... LA MOOOR!!!!! I don't think I was so much frightening the children, as it was the mothers understood that Carmen was not an appropriate topic to explain to them when they went home. To my credit, both the butcher, and the man in the check out line were highly entertained. Also, I do not see why I was forced to buy the whole carton of eggs. I only used one egg, and I did not even break it!
Please consider playing the radio over your intercom system again, so that I can go back to singing "Fernando" to the cantaloupe, and we can all go back to normal.
P.S. My husband has recycled the caps from Snapple bottles, and suggests that next time I can use them as castanets. It really is in your best interest to comply.
I'm sure my regular readers are well aware that my rendition of the Habanera was probably about as sensual as this one with, Beaker, Animal, and Swedish Chef.