I wasn't sure if this would make a better What I learned post, or Life is Funny post. I decided to use it for Life is Funny because I have the dishwasher story for What I Learned. Anyways.....
It might help to begin by explaining that I rarely wear makeup. Especially on my eyes. I am nearsighted and don't want to do to my eye what one has to do to put in contact lenses, and I you can't put on eye shadow with glasses on. To apply makeup without being able to see is the sort of test a woman who couldn't color in the lines as a child is sure to fail. I was always afraid I would look like a clown. The exception to that rule was when I was feeling depressed. I wanted to wear a mask then, so I did. The exception to THAT rule is my wedding and honeymoon. Every bride tries to look better than herself for her wedding pictures, and, well, on the honeymoon, I wore the makeup because I paid almost a hundred dollars for it! Of course I wasn't going to let it rot in the drawer!
So anyways, I hardly ever wear make up, so I am not looking for where to touch my face up. I may wear lipstick to a wedding, because then people expect you to look like you put some effort into getting ready, and retouch my lipstick as the evening progresses (or not), but my eyelids, eye lashes, and outside of my eyes have rarely seen shadow, liner, or mascara. Only for my joy filled wedding and honeymoon, and when I wanted look joy filled by wasn't. Ordinary days get me au natural. Or is it au naturale. I know one means natural, the other means in my birthday suit. I don't walk around in my birthday suit. I don't even like wearing it under my clothes. It needs ironing...
Well, a year ago, I was examining my face, God only knows why. I think it might be because I am getting harsher in my judgement of myself as I get older (which is where the What I Learned could have come in, with just a little bit of spin). I close my left eye, and I notice what turned out to be a big ol' mole! (as in birthmark, not large rodent. Keep up, okay..) At first I thought it was a speck I needed to get out, but couldn't grab.
I call Bob into the bedroom.
HRM: Bob, would you please take this speck off of my eyelid?
Bob: What speck? I don't see a speck.... (While peering closely at me)
HRM: Left eye, way in the left corner.
Bob: I don't see a speck. Is it near your freckle?
HRM: Freckle?
Bob: Yeah, you have this cute little freckle on the left side of your left eyelid...
HRM: Since when?
Bob: Since we've met...
HRM: TWELVE YEARS! (You know how they say new blemishes can be a sign of skin cancer and stuff. I suddenly had this fear that my eyelid would need removal and I'd be wearing an eye patch for the rest of my life.)
Bob: Relax, it's just a birthmark or freckle or something...
HRM: OR SOMETHING?! I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A PIRATE!
Bob: (Deer looking at the headlights look on his face now) I love you...
HRM: Birthmarks don't happen in adulthood!
Bob:You probably never noticed it before...
HRM: Oh yeah, never noticed that big ol' spot! You did! Apparently when we met!
Bob: Huh?
HRM: You just said you noticed it the moment we met!
(By now Bob is twitching all over, and I walk out of the bedroom. I just can't talk to him when he twitches like that!)
(I go to mom's room)
HRM: Mom, would you take this speck off my eye lid.
Mom: Helen, that's your birthmark!
HRM: How long have I had it?
Mom: Since you were born. That's why I called it your birthmark. (Rim shot for you there mom..)
HRM: Why didn't I ever notice it before now?
Mom: Better lighting? Getting older and looking for changes? Who knows?
HRM: Is it darker than it once was?
Mom: Not really. I have a cute picture of you with your eyes closed as a baby, and it looks way bigger and darker there. Don't you remember that picture?
HRM: The one with an owie on my eye?
Mom: That's not an owie, dear. That's your other birthmark.
In case you are wondering, I know where my other birthmark is, and I am not telling.
So. there you have my contribution to the Life is Funny Carnival for this week.
12 comments:
Wow, now that's a cleverly hidden birthmark. Well, hidden from you anyway. At least it wasn't on the end of your nose and you'd been missing it all these years...
That's amazing!
I wonder if there's anything about me that I should know?
Very interesting.
And you have beautiful eyes, BTW.
I have 2 birthmarks also, but I'm shocked that this was the first time you saw this one!
And Helen, I'm nearly blind and I wear makeup everyday. I could put mine on with both eyes closed. (with my poor eyesight it's not much different anyway!)
I loved your "my skin needs ironing " remark. Mine does too!
That reminds me to pack an iron for my trip. I knew I was forgetting something!
Helen, I'd give anything to see Bob twitch like that. HA!
Sherri, the humidity should take care of the wrinkles.
I'm with you on the eye make-up thing, Helen! I have to be about .5 cm away from the mirror before I can see anything. And I try to wear it when I go to church...but sometimes...it's easier to just go without. And just try putting it on an eyelid that won't close!! Plus mascara makes my eyes itch like crazy...but it does make me feel more confident when I make the effort. :p
Anyway...I noticed my daughter has a little mole on her eyelid the other day. I wonder when SHE will notice??? Should I let her in on it now to reduce the trauma later?
I have a birthmark. I'm not telling, either.
No birthmarks here, but that was a great story. Sounds like a conversation me and my wife would have...
I have a rather large mole on my arm. I've had it for as long as I can remember. It's about 3/16 of an inch and very black. I look at it pretty often (once a week or so) and wonder if it is changing. Changes are bad. In 25 years I don't think it has changed one bit. I'm not sure about before that but I feel pretty safe.
On a side note, I know how your poor hubby feels. Something like having a great big hole in your mouth and having someone joke about it.
On another side note, my oldest daughter has a birthmark on her lower back/upper butt. Right where a lot of girls get butterfly tattoos. If I ever hear a guy say anything about her "cute birthmark" I am not responsible for my actions.
To be fair my sin has one just north of his boy parts so that same justification stands with him too.
oh and on yet another note, I'm using this story next time I talk about the speck and log Jesusism.
Wendy, I never thought to close an eye with my glasses on and look at an eyelid before. I am more surprised I ever did...
PeterP, you keep strange internet company. And I'm glad. :-)
Sherri, thank you. I am considering putting shadow on with my eyes closed. I feel self conscious now of a mark I hadn't known was there for more than thirty years...
Annie K, when you visit, I'll see what I can arrange.
Beth, I don't know. I think if I realized it when I was a teenager, I would have been begging my parents to let me wear make up before I was 16, convinced that everyone stared at my birthmark. Maybe when she is old enough to wear makeup you can tell her, if she is going to wear it anyway.
Billy, yes. Mysteries are make us all the more interesting, don't they?
jasonS, yes. I think all husbands and wives have conversations where sooner or later, someone starts twitching.
NtG, yeah, my daddy probably would have had to kill anyone who knew the location of my other birthmark as well. I love the way daddies are so protective.
I read this yesterday, and then I had to leave, so I didn't leave a comment.
Sherri's right. You do have beautiful eyes, plank or no plank.
I have a birthmark. On my waist, left side, just under my rib cage. I know you were wondering...
katdish, thank you for finally commenting. Yes. Of course we were wondering about your birthmark. We did not ask it on your blog the other day, because we expected you to say something about it here.
Post a Comment