Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Pink Ribbons on a Life is Funny Post?
Gentlemen reading this post, you are welcome to stay and read this. I consider you my brothers in Christ. However, your sister (me) is about to describe a mammogram. If I was shy about men potentially reading this, I wouldn't post it, but that doesn't mean you want to read it...Jason, I know I linked a post to your blog early on that was even more descriptive, but keep in mind, it wasn't my glitter or gynecological exam. If you ever write about having a prostate exam, I plan on skimming that post to the end, and commenting "I am so glad you are taking care of your health", so feel free to skip to the end and leave a similar comment.
Okay, now that it is just us girls (and guys who have been fairly warned..).... I know that Breast Cancer Awareness Month was last month, but you know that I have to be different. Neither my mammogram appointment nor my post on the importance of mammograms could be done in October, because that is when everyone else is doing it. I like being the only carnation in a bouquet of roses. I like to use a purple ink when everyone else is using black or blue. So of course, my first mammogram had to be Monday, November 2. You know I wouldn't write about the importance of a mammogram without first getting one myself. And you know if anyone can see humor in getting her bust flattened between a piece of plastic and an X-ray machine, it'd be me.
To begin with, I found it funny that when I called my doctor's office asking where to go for a mammogram, they said that I'd have to come in for a referral. Why would I need a referral for something that is recommended yearly? I found out later when they asked me to put my name on a reminder post card that the Dr.'s office was wrong. I didn't need the referral.
I have to admit, I was very much relieved that the tech was a female. It is not that I am used to being felt up by females, but I am a bit of a prude. I was actually afraid I'd strike a male. Old habits die hard... And its not like he'd even be buying me dinner first! He'd be expecting my insurance to pay him! And let's not forget the copay. Yep, the thought of a male technician doing my mammogram was my biggest worry, and it did not come to pass...
Now, I knew from listening to other women describe mammograms, that I should expect smooshed frontsetts. (For the uninitiated, frontsetts are the opposite of assetts...) I would like to add that the female technician very kindly told me to let her know when the tension was about even with the amount of discomfort I was willing to endure. I knew this was important, and I was willing to endure. The shots of just my bust where I face forward and don't breathe for several seconds was quite manageable.
However, I was not expecting the underarm shots for my lymph nodes. The tech places my one of my frontsetts on the X-ray while I try to place my underarm on it, have my body face one way, and then face to the left (for the other frontsett, I had to face to the right). Well, all of the sudden, I start to laugh. I know this had to be a first for her...a woman with a pressed bust and armpit gazing to the side and laughing.... I just kept thinking that if this picture were on a mammogram brochure, no one would ever go. I pictured having the kind of smile on my face that you find in dental brochures, but with one bust hanging out, and the other one pressed with my arm hugging the apparatus taking the X- ray so it can get a shot of my armpit as well. Underneath the picture would be the caption...
"Much more fun than your average pap smear!"
Go ahead. Close your eyes and picture it. Please don't forget the toothy grin! Funny, no?
I explained to the technician why I was laughing. I am still waiting for a call to begin my new brochure writing career!
How about joining Wendy for her Life is Funny blog carnival? You know she ain't picky! She's accepting mammogram posts for goodness sake!
You know what is not funny? Having breast cancer, and not knowing....
I found the mammogram to be uncomfortable, but not at all painful. It was definitely worth doing. My doctor should be finding out the results sometime today.
If you ignored that last month was Breast Cancer Awareness month, well, so did I. But if you are over forty, take a moment and remember when your last mammogram was....If the answer is fifth of Never, then I encourage you to make an appointment. If you vaguely remember ignoring a reminder, again, I encourage you to make an appointment. It isn't really that bad. I would score it as ten, even twenty times more fun than a pap smear!