Today I will be writing about Chapter 2 in Richard Stearn's book The Hole in Our Gospel. This week Sarah is leading the discussion and has links to other's posts on this chapter at her blog.
In this chapter, Mr. Stearns tells us about how it was difficult for him to realize that God was calling him to be the CEO for World Vision because he felt unqualified, and that deep down, he really didn't want to give up his family's comfortable life style and the security their future was expected to hold if he remained the CEO of Lennox. I can't say I blame him for any of that. I imagine with five children, he was blessing and praising God that he had a job that secured their comfort and future (since he'd be able to afford college for them no problem), and that it is easy to become deaf to a new calling when you are shouting praise for the blessings in your present circumstances.
This chapter had me wondering if I am currently deaf to God's call for me. Does he want me to go back to teaching, but I am drowning out His call with cries of how long it has been since I taught and that I'm not sure I am still qualified? Does He want me to somehow use my experience taking care of Mom, but I drown Him out with cries about how much I miss her? Does He want me to currently be a "housewife", and I am blinded by the fact that I just hate to clean? Or is this just my "desert" just like Mr. Stearn's period of joblessness was His?
I know the answer is to continue to pray for purpose, but to add to that a request for the willingness to be open to God's will for my life. I mean, I thought I was open, but am I really? I, too, have played the unqualified card when being led by Him to start a new ministry at Church. Am I playing the same card in His will for my day to day life? I know. Only I can answer that. But right now it seems that I can't. But He can, if I open my ears and heart.