Steph at Red Clay Diaries posted yesterday about how the blogger at the above link is sponsoring a "What I learned this week carnival". Cool. I always believed myself to be a person who is constantly learning. Well, guess what I learned this week? I am not who I believe myself to be. I got nothing. Nada. Zip. Gooseegg. Zilch. Zero. Nil. Diddly Squat. Squat. (Hey, does it count that I used a thesaurus to find synonymns for nothing. Because that would be sweet).
Maybe I can learn from this experience. I am learning that some things just cannot be forced. You'd think I'd have learned that already. I would love to be able to force God to give me a baby. Maybe force Him to heal my mom so she can walk. Now I'm trying to force an idea.
But, some things cannot be forced. I am letting it go now....
13 comments:
Wow Helen. What a tough time you must be having. I'm so sorry this week hasn't felt good or helpful to you.
(I do think the thesaurus should count for something though.)
It sounds to me like you're not only learning a lot, but open and willing to learn as God chooses to teach.
I'll be praying for you.
Thanks Steph. Sometimes I get melancholy about being childless. I usually snap myself out of it after a day, but I haven't seemed to be able to force that either this time. I guess I am trying to "let go". I might as well. It is not like forcing it is working, so I may as well do the opposite.
Well, for whatever it's worth, you've made me laugh out loud more times than I can count, and made me think, too. Sometimes we help other people learn new things. I think that's pretty awesome.
wv: doozie (kewl)
Thanks Katdish. That does help.
Just wanted to say I love you and I wish I could do something to make you feel better today. I've been praying for you, a baby, and your mom pretty much every day, but sometimes it would be nice to give you a hug or some chocolates or go see a musical together.
You know what Helen? You are awesome. And I'll be praying for you (And not in that I say I will but I really will forget and won't kind of way). God bless you Helen. You are wonderful.
Sometimes letting go is the HARDEST thing to do. ((hug)) Sorry you had a rough week. Thanks for playing and being such a good sport! :-)
BTW, your "nothing" post inspired me today, so I talked about it in my blog. ;)
I think we're all always learning to let go of SOMETHING. Or should be. ;)
I'm so grateful that God doesn't reject us for expressing our sadness. Instead he cries with us.
Thanks for sharing YOU.
Helen, You are in the same boat as the rest of us with unfulfilled dreams. You are just very honest (transparent). We have days when it's Okay, we deal with it better, then there seams to be other days that we want to shout "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!"
And you know what" It's not fair sometimes and we don't understand. I can't understand why you want a baby to love and don't have one while others get pregnant and abort their child?
Or wht my sister, who was a WONDERFUL mother, lost her 16 yr. old son, while other parents are killing their children?
There are things, that this side of heaven, we will never know, because our minds can't wrap around it.. But I do know He can bring HIS peace to a situation that is unfair, and make it bearable. Then later, not only bearable, but good.
I have had some great disappointments and hurts that I will never share publicly because of not wanting to drudge up junk. SOme even shattered some dreams, but ALL of it, ALL of the hurts have made me who I am. (so I blaming my weirdness on my hurts).
ANyway, it is obvious to me, that your role as stay at home daughter is a huge ministry that only YOU in your present situation can do as well as you are. You are a beautiful soul Helen.
Don't give up on your dream till God says lay it down. In the mean time, my BEAUTIFUL SISTER, may HIS PEACE flood your heart. His love absoulutley overwhelm you!
I love you. I will cry with you on your sad days, laugh with you on your goofy days and yell with you on your mad days.
I'm here.
wv: hymoode
By the end of this week, I say Helen will be in a hymoode due to the showering of love she felt from her friends and her God!
{{{hugs}}}}
~Tidymom
sendin a big bloggy hug your way. ANd yes the looking up words counts as learning in my book. hang in there
Thank you, friends. Sherri is right. I do feel better after reading your comments. If you all are with me now in my funk, God is too, and while that doesn't make my wants all go away, it does make it easier to deal with. Thank you for your prayers. They must be working, because I am feeling better. Not sing and dance in the grocery store better, but I'd probably tap my foot and hum, which beats kick the grocery cart and grumble by a mile. Again, thank you.
I tried to force a new years resolution post once... didn't work. Maybe you'll learn something next week... maybe not!
I hope you get a baby since it seems to be a desire of your heart :)
http://elislids.blogspot.com/
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