Remix: Why I Watch Wrestling On Television

I hate to admit it, but last night, I watched RAW on television. Yes, I am a pro-wrestling fan. I grew up watching Rick Martel, the Von Erich brothers, Jimmy "the Superfly" Snooka, Ricky "the Dragon" Steamboat. I saw the tail end of Dick the Bruiser's career and that of his cousin Crusher when I was about six. Good times. I can tell the difference between a thrust kick and sweet chin music (okay, you caught me. There actually is no difference except that sweet chin music always lands on the chin. Go ahead and call it a superkick. The difference between a superkick and a thrustkick is that the superkick is always super). I can describe a half nelson in Haiku. I know when jumping from the top rope is a mistake, and when it will clinch the match. Why do I love watching wrestling? Is it male posing (no, that is irritating.) Is it the sportsmanship (no, gone are the days when the good guys came to each other's rescue when the bad guys ganged up on the good guy). Is it the match itself (no, the pros won't call it fake because there are real injuries and risks, but many will admit to predetermined outcomes). Is it respect for good over evil (no, the Undertaker is supposed to be a good guy and at the same time a borderline evil character. Yick!) So what draws me to this, this, this sport like event?

I am drawn to watching televised wrestling because I don't like talking to myself. I think most people are uncomfortable with it. I think that is why when people are alone in the house, they like to have the t.v. or radio on even if they are not paying attention to it. I can't do that because I talk back to the television. Actually, I yell at the television. I would never yell at mom or Bob, but I consider talking inanimate objects to be fair game. Seriously, after being married less than a month, my husband insisted on no more watching McLaughin Group. Now to get my weekly screaming and yelling out I have to watch Smackdown or RAW.

My husband doesn't care for professional wrestling either, but men seem to think it is more normal to yell at the television over sports than politics. I can't yell at other sports because I am not as knowledgeable about them. What can I yell at a baseball game? "Bad pitch, bad pitch" as if there was a dog named Pitch in the room that whizzed on the floor? How about "Shame on you for catching that fly ball! It is our turn to win!" Can you see how ridiculous I would look? But while watching wrestling, I can yell "Try a hammer lock!" or "Don't be stupid! If you jump off the top rope, he is going to move!" I have all sorts of gems like these in my repertoire.

I was brought up yelling at the t.v. all the time. In my home growing up, my parents wouldn't yell at each other, but Morton Kondracke was another matter altogether. So you can imagine what my neighbors would think of me, knowing that I am home all alone with my mom, if I was yelling "You B****!" at Joy Behar as she interrupts Elizabeth Hasselback, or "Don't be stupid!" at Elizabeth Hasselback when she says something completely irrevelant to what they are talking about (John McCain does not fit into every hot topic. Maybe not even every luke warm topic.) They would think I am abusing my poor, old wheelchair bound mom.

But when I release my week's pent up anger at the stars of WWE, I am being normal. That is why I watch wrestling on television: to remain normal. Yep. My Haikus about wrestling holds are absolutely, completely normal.

Half Nelson
Hand under the arm
free arm under the other
lock together wrists

The match posted at the bottom is brutal. Most of them are. Feel free not to watch it. I won't take it personally. ;-)