Monday, December 15, 2008

Take My Governor, Please



Last week David Letterman had for his top ten list the top ten messages left on Governor Blagojevich's answering machine. As a citizen of the corrupt, er, I mean great state of Illinois, I would like to respond.




10) For 10 grand can you make me Pope?" Praise God, he doesn't have that kind of authority, though I wouldn't put it past him to not only try to sell the papacy, but to try to sell the throne of God if he could get away with it. Maybe that was supposed to be next...."Uh, excuse me God, this seat is mine now...I bought it fair and square....since Jesus sits at your right hand, is he going with you or staying with me, cuz it would really be cool if this was a twofer..."

9) "Hello, is this the Blog-o-bloga-a-da-go-bl-vipivh residence?" Please. His name is pronounced as it is spelled, just make the j a consonant y sound. While I agree that we do not owe him, the courtesy to care, we should be considerate of people with slavonic last names and not just make fun of his name because it is so easy. There are plenty of other things about him we can make fun of---his hair, his Howdy Doody smile, his bleepin' limited vocabulary...

8) "Hi, it's O.J. Wanna be cellmates?" O.J. O.J. O.J. I really thought you'd have better taste in friends.

7) "Oh, I'm sorry, I think I have the wrong Blagojevich" Could be....

6) "Hi, it's Larry Craig -- did I hear something about a Senator's seat being available?" I've got two words for you, Larry. But this is a family blog, and you probably would.

5) "I'm calling about your Senate seat on Craigslist. Want to trade for a futon?" That depends. Is the futon bleepin' golden? Because he isn't going to bleepin' give the seat away for nothing...

4) "Hey, it's Cheney -- Damn even I think you're sleazy" Hello Mr. Cheney. Could you please take Governor Blagojevich hunting with you if he doesn't resign. It's okay, since it would be an accident....

3) "You really Blagojevich'd your political career" Again, Serbians in general deserve more respect than that. Rod doesn't, but he isn't the only Serbian American in this country. Every nationality has produced at least one bad apple. Except, of course, Utopian. There are no bad apples in Utopia.

2)"I'm guessing you didn't spend the bribe money on that haircut" His hair is the only thing I really liked about him!

1) "It's Sarah Palin. Thanks for replacing me as the country's most embarassing governor" Really. More embarassing than Spitzer. Give me a break. That was mean. I suppose that in retrospect, I am glad she will get more experience before she holds an office of National importance. But she was not an embarassment. Getting caught with hookers is embarassing (Spitzer). Selling licenses and causing deaths is even worse than embarassing (Ryan) . Trying to solicit bribes for a federal appointment is an embarassment (Blagojevich). Being underseasoned (Palin)--not so much!

Thanks for allowing me my tangent! Enjoy the video! (Warning: he tries to sell Patty....need I say more?)



P.S. The Blagojevich Video Bar is now open on my sidebar. It is an open bar, not a cash bar. I am ordinary folk you know. But, of course, if I were governor of IL, it would go to the highest bidder....

3 comments:

Sherri said...

Do you think he's ever heard the phrase, "gracefully Bow out!"?

Or just "Bow out!"
or just "OUT!"

Helen said...

Not really. I think we are gonna need Cheney's help. ;-)

Annie K said...

Sorry, Helen. Oregon doesn't want/need him. We have enough to make our own David Letterman's top 10....